Our story begins in the Carousel Pub, a seedy little club downtown, where a cat from the wrong side of the tracks, a real swarmy so-’n-so named Surly Joe is the manager. A high-end riffraff with a heart of gold ladies, a heart of gold. But hey, you gotta give it to this hustler—for a fella with big ambitions, nothing ever came easy for him. He’s worked and wormed his way in just about everything from street musician, carnival banker, card shark and late nightclub bartender and now to manager. But climbing the ladder is far from straight and narrow for ol’ Surly. No sirree, not with his late night poker games and duties as a bookie. But when you got big dreams like Surly, you’re gonna need a little dough to grease the wheels to start your own girlie show.
He’s gonna break into show biz in a big way. And dating the club’s star, Lady Bangs, ain’t such a bad idea either. “Stick wit me, kid, and I’ll make you a star. Now all we needs is some other lookers with nice sets of gams and some talent.”
Roll out the red carpet, pop the cork in the champagne, open those curtains and queue the music—Lady Bangs has entered the room. An upclass beauty with an unhealthy obsession with the nightlife and jazz, Lady Bangs is a fallen debutante now the life of the party who seems to have been born for the spotlight. “Be discovered? Hah! I’m just waiting for the world to catch up with me, darlin’.”
She is classically trained in dance and theater, and if Daddy only knew what she’s doing with her ballet lessons, it would send him to an early grave. She’s the headliner at Surly’s nightclub and what a card! What a dish! Everything she touches seems to turn to gold. She’s the belle of the ball, the talk of the town, and she melts men’s hearts with a single glance.
Is there anything she can’t—or won’t—do?
Who’s that hot tomato? Why, it’s the caffeine queen, Cherry Pop, working her night shift as the Candy Cigarette Girl. She’s an adorable little number straight in from Boston, sipping her soda, smacking her gum, and twirling those red ringlets while daydreaming of glitter and fame.
And boy oh boy, does this frisky filly drive all the fellas crazy, but she has big dreams of going places and she’s not gonna settle!
“No Johnny I ain’t gonna marry ya, I’m intended for bigger and better things!”
Cherry gets to play out her long time fantasies every night after closing, when she raids the costumes, sets up the player piano, and indulges in exhibitionism and dance. One night, during one of her after-hours “performances,” who should wander in but Surly Joe! Unnoticed, he quietly observes from the back. And to Cherry’s shock her finale was met with a standing ovation from non other than her boss! She turned three shades of red and ran off stage, grabbing the nearest feather boa to offer some sort of coverage. Surly chased after her with propositions of a girly show!
A trouble Ooops the Clown enters the pub all dressed up with no place to go. She immediately sits down at the bar and with shaky nerves orders the whiskey and tells the bartender to leave the bottle. Surly Joe notices the scene but waits ‘til she pumps down a few rounds of liquor before approaching. Telling Sam the bardender the clown’s drinks are on him, he pours a shot and inquires after the clown’s story. It was evident this clown was coming down with a bad case of the tell-alls, and it didn’t take much prompting to not only get the tragic tale, but also whatever else came to mind. And oh brother, this clown came with a sordid past, all right.
It seems Ooops is a clown from New Orleans, now on the run from the circus after killing another clown in a pie fight turned sour. “I don’t know what happened… things… things just got out of hand. I can still see it… blood and whipped cream everywhere!”
In an unnerved moment she quicky sucks down her shot before continuing her drunken narration. Evidently, after the “incident” she hit the railroads and started train hoppin’ before Johnny Law closed in. Now all Ooops needed was an alias and a way to reinvent herself to give the law the slip! At this, Surly pours two new drinks for the both of ‘em.
“All right, dollface, I’ve got an arrangement that’ll work in both our favors. Ever thought about cabaret?” And lo and behold, a star was born: Alley Ooops (aka Ooops the Clown)!
In a small Texas town a preacher’s daughter just can’t seem to keep her shirt on. A wild child, this Abbey Rose, where did she go wrong? She sings like an angel, dances like a swan; why does she only use her God-given gifts for evil? Abbey’s known all over town for the wonderful ruckus she makes with her intoxicating topless song-and-dance on top of bars at local dives. Miss Rose is quite a showboat, which ain’t easy in such a sheltered household.
“Daddy, let me try out for cheerleading?”
“What, so you can wear those revealing sweaters and bounce up and down like Satan’s Harlot Squad?”
“What about dance troupe then?,” Abbey pleads.
“Those leotards were designed by the devil himself,” ruffling his newspaper in disgust.
“Well, what about baton twirling?”
In frustration he bellows, “Their outfits are as hellbound as the rest of ‘em!”
Ma chimes in, “Really, Abbey, with all those sequins in all the wrong places… there will be plenty of time for that razzle-dazzle when they’re spinning their batons in eternal damnation.”
With Abbey Rose’s 18th birthday soon approaching, the preacher, discouraged by his daughter’s zeal to expose her lady parts and panicked for her soul, has made arrangements to send her away to the nearest all-girl Christian boarding school. Nothing co-ed—he is still haunted by the memory of the weekend Revival Retreat he sent her on last summer. What an embarrassing mess that was.
Abbey caught wind of her father’s plot and decided she is much too big of a fish for this small pond, so she hitched a ride for the nearest big city—realizing on the way she’d also outgrown bar tops, and was ready for the stage! Just as soon as she arrives she’s made up her mind to start hitting auditions for her rightful place in the spotlight. This lil’ bumpkin has a powerful hankerin’ and the Carousel Cabaret is a great place to start!
Ta dah! The Carousel Cabaret is born with four silly fillies, and the man behind the tie that’s Surly Joe. And one more time, these silly fillies are:
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